FUBAR FC’s Guide to Transfer Window Clichés

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Silly season is well under way in the Premier League. This means there are ridiculous rumours flying about, ludicrous sums of money being exchanged for average English players, and players emerging as targets.

This time of year we hear the same clichés being thrown about endlessly and are very much a part of the vocabulary of any pundit who is worth his salt.

Firstly, the transfer window always flies openAt the beginning of the window, clubs may slap a price tag on their star player to quash rumours whilst smaller clubs may be braced for a bid for their best player.

However, said star player may try to force a move, like the unsettled Dimitri Payet at the moment, but, if the club are refusing to sell, the player will certainly be frozen out, and forced to train with the reserves. Wantaway Payet may also issue a come and get me plea.

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Wantaway Payet is unsettled in London.

Recently, Diego Costa had his head turned by an offer from China and his agent was said to be locked in talks. However, there are many stumbling blocks and snags to avoid before the deal can go through.

Inevitably a transfer saga will emerge involving a certain player. Several clubs may be mulling over a bid, which will subsequently almost certainly be dismissed as derisory. A hands off warning might be issued by the manager and the player in question himself may pledge loyalty despite being flattered by the interest.

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Costa is currently training with the reserves

However, the player then may undertake a dramatic U-turn thus leaving him in the dreaded transfer limbo – if he’s lucky he may soon be shown the exit door but if the player remains at the club he is told to knuckle down in training in order to get back in the team.

If a successful bid is lodged, then protracted talks will begin. At this point bids are still subject to being hijacked by other clubs who have had the player on their radar for some time. Incidentally, if a manager signs more than one player from the same club, it constitutes as a raid.

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Harry Redknapp leaning out his car door became an cliché in itself.

Finally, once the saga has ended, the new player will be unveiled and the script written for him to score at his old stomping ground.

Silly season comes to an end when the window slams shut. The managerial merry-go round may now begin and some managers can look forward to a summer spending spree using their brand new transfer war-chest. For everyone else, it’s a massive relief. We can put Jim White back in the cupboard and get back to the football.

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