We Hand Picked Our Dream Crystal Maze Team!

Posted By: Fubar Radio On:

Crystal Maze returned last night for a one off charity special for Stand Up to Cancer. It didn’t quite live up to our expectations, but it did get us thinking.

FUBAR has compiled a dream Crystal Maze team. We’ve picked six familiar faces who we think should team up to take on the Crystal Maze.

Keith Lemon


Who would be more committed to the cause?! Surely this is his dream; we can hear the shuffling of his pink and green windbreaker already. Lemon would be perfect for the mystery rounds of the game as he’s incredibly good at thinking on his feet. Alternatively, the physical games wouldn’t phase him. His stamina is most likely not up to scratch, but Lemon would give it his all. Especially because of the cameras.

One of the Stranger Things boys.


Any one of them. They’re all super smart and adventurous. Not to mention their impeccable team work. *SPOILER ALERT* If they can risk their life to save their best friend from a parallel universe with horrifying monsters, they can do a fucking puzzle. Do you have friends that amazing? Us neither.

Carol Vorderman


She’s probably not very busy since being bumped off Countdown so we’re sure she’ll be up for it! She’s sweet, so will keep the team positive, she’s clever, so will crack all the codes and she could possibly charm her way through a round.

 FUBAR’s Sarah Love (Team Captain)


Sarah would storm the show. Her confidence boosting skills would provide the team with tons of energy. Sarah would not mess around and her strategic thinking would be a great asset to defeating the Crystal Maze. She’d know what she wanted and how to get it. Sarah would hands down be a team leader. Nothing would get past her!

Frank Lampard


Stay with us, much to everyone’s surprise, Frank is actually impressively smart. You may have known he was intelligent, but did you know he is in the top 0.5% of the world population and at genius level, as he has an IQ of 150. All this, plus his mighty physical skills means Lampard is pretty much the perfect contestant! He’d easily battle through all rounds!

Albert Einstein had an IQ of 160 whilst William Shockley had an IQ of 129, to give some perspective.

Shia LaBeouf

arrives at the Premiere of the Weinstein Company's "Lawless" at ArcLight Cinemas on August 22, 2012 in Hollywood, California.

This guy would bring edge to the show. Not sure how much he would talk, but he appears like he’d be good at the mental and skill rounds. He’d definitely have his eyes on the prize. We can even imagine LaBeouf somehow turning the game on it’s head and solving it in the most weird way ever. He’d still win the game though, no doubt.

Whilst we are at it, we thought we’d even provide you with a new host.

Forgetting about Edward Tudor-Pole, naturally, Richard O’Brien is tough act to fill. However, we think we have someone who can bring the same amount of sass, emit tons of positivity and accidentally enhance a tense situation, just like Richard.

Joe Wilkinson! (Right)


He may not be as bouncy and flamboyant, but his dry humour and lovable characteristics are a huge thumbs up for us.

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