Yaya Toure has been banned from driving for 18 months after being stopped under the influence despite claiming he had not ‘intentionally consumed alcohol.’ Sure Yaya, and the Beatles are still together, too.
So in light of this outrageous excuse from Yaya, FUBAR’s compiled our Top 10 excuses in football, from sending dumb tweets to embarrassing defeats. Footballers are known for not being the brightest bunch, so you have to credit their imagination here…
In May 2006 Tottenham Hotspur made the short trip to East London and checked into a Marriott Hotel ahead of their game against West Ham the next day. All Spurs needed to do was match Arsenal’s result to finish above their biggest rivals and claim a place in the Champions League for the following season. They lost 2-1 and claimed that the majority of their players were violently afflicted by a case of food-poisoning caused by some dodgy lasagne.
9. Kolo Toure “They were my wife’s slimming pills”
When Meme-Legend Kolo Toure was given a 6 month ban for failing a drugs test in 2011 he blamed his wife’s diet pills – poor Kolo said he was just trying to watch his weight.
8. Yaya Toure “They forgot my birthday”
As well as being the inspiration for this countdown, Yaya features at Number 8 after his agent claimed that Yaya wanted to leave Manchester City because they forgot his birthday. With £220,000 a week wages you’d have thought Yaya could have bought one for himself.
7. Arsene Wenger “I didn’t see it.”
This old chesnut has been used by Wenger for over 2 decades in reference to countless incidents in matches, most recently in reference to his side’s winning goal at Burnley last month. You have to admire his commitment to the cause.
6. Sir Alex Ferguson “They couldn’t see each other properly in those kits”
Losing 3-0 at half-time to Southampton, Sir Alex sent his team out in different kits for the second half and claimed after the match that his players couldn’t see each other properly. Either way, it didn’t work and United lost 3-1.
5. Kenny Dalglish “The balls were too bouncy”
Following an embarrassing Newcastle defeat to Stevenage in the 1998 FA Cup Dalglish claimed that the sole reason his side lost was due to bouncy balls.
4. Poland National Team “We were kept up all night by croaking frogs”
Poland lost 4-0 to Spain at the 2006 World Cup and said they couldn’t get a wink of sleep due to loud frogs outside their hotel. Bear in mind this World Cup was held in Germany, not the bloody Amazon rainforest. To Vladislav Vashchuk, who came up with this excuse, we say bullshit sir.
3. David James “I’m addicted to my Playstation”
Following a series of howlers for Liverpool in the late 1990’s, ‘Calamity James’ blamed his form on an addiction to his Playstation. In fact, FUBAR once tried to get an autograph from David, and he dropped the pen. No joke.
2. Joleon Lescott “I sent it by accident from my pocket”
Following Aston Villa’s embarassing 6-0 defeat at home to Liverpool last season, defender Joleon Lescott tweeted a picture of his £121,000 Mercedes. No caption, no explanation, just a photo. Lescott later claimed he tweeted “by accident” from his pocket whilst driving home from the match.
1. Luis Suarez “I fell into Chiellini with my mouth”
After biting Giorgio Chiellini at the 2014 World Cup, Luis ‘your teeth are offside’ Suarez claimed to the tribunal that he had merely fallen into the Italian defender and grazed him with his teeth. Photo evidence seems to contradict this statement.