Our token Australian intern has decided to make a guide to Australian culture for our FUBAR patrons so you can feel better about living in Britain.
1. Goon is a national treasure (Praise the Fruity Lexia Gods)
If you’re unaware of what goon is (probably because you’re no fun at all), it’s basically the cheapest boxed wine that you can find at your local grocery store, but without the box. It’s the wonderful, shiny bag in which that cheap whizz is stored.
Goon is quite versatile. Young Australians enjoy playing ‘Goon of Fortune’, which is played by hanging the goon on a rotating washing line and then spinning it until it lands on someone. The unfortunate person who happens to be standing in front of the glorious bag of goon hanging there, has to chug it down. Once you’re finished, blow into the bag and use it as a pillow.
2. Our ex-Prime Minister ate a raw onion. Not really something you need to know, but here it is.
Did you see that? Tony Abbott ATE IT LIKE AN APPLE.
If you want to know more about the enigma, Tony Abbott, then here is a video all about him on John Oliver’s show Last Week Tonight.
3. Koalas can contract chlamydia
So that’s… yep. Poor buggers.
If you want to read more and why wouldn’t you – http://www.bbc.co.uk/post/magazine-22207442
4. When you don’t like someone you call them ‘Mate’ and when you like them you call them ‘Cunt’. Greet your friends with ‘oi, Cunt over here’, or when describing a truly heroic friend then you can describe them as a ‘Mad Cunt’ or a ‘Sick Cunt’. I wouldn’t try these nicknames in any other country though.