The Most Stressfully Shit Online Petitions

Posted By: Fubar Radio On:

Online petitions have taken a huge role within modern politics. If any online petition gets just 100,000 signatures, the issue must be raised in the House of Commons. This is a great way to engage young people within politics, but sometimes it does get a bit too much.

As appealing as a petition for another referendum was, this isn’t high school. There was no chance of another referendum. People made their decision and the government have to stick by it. This however is not as fucking dumb as the people who rang up to try and change or retract their vote. That’s another kettle of fish though, aye.

But back to the point of this article – although petitions are great and attract a younger audience to have their say, sometimes they’re just plain stupid. Not to mention that if we use them at every opportunity they will become worthless. Logic, innit.

Here are our top 5 petitions which are causing us headaches. We’re allergic to stupidity…

1. Ban condom machines

“Condoms are too widely available and by having them in every single pub we go into it just promotes promiscuity and sleeping around. They do NOT promote safe sex and do NOT stop unplanned pregnancy or STIs.”

Wow.. just wow…This would just help no one.

We wonder why this petition only has 1 signature…


2. Legalize space cakes

“Legalize the use of marijuana in cakes, specifically in chocolate brownies.”

Um, we can’t see that going very  far. I wonder what kinds of person started this..


‘Specifically in brownies’ is our favourite part. They just needed to mention that.
And it only got 2 signatures. Bill & Ted..


3. We need more roundabouts

What? Where? No. We definitely don’t. No. Next..


4. Say no more…



5. Reveal all your secrets!

Shockingly this is from an american petition site.

“Publicly admit and disclose all information about extra-terrestrial beings, our true history, and peaceful technologies.”

Although it does seem interested.



6. Stop white genocide.

I hope you’re ready for this one.. – “STOP WHITE GENOCIDE: Halt MASSIVE third world immigration and FORCED assimilation in White countries!”

FUCK. OFF. Crazy bastards.


7. Close all e-petition sites.

Fair play.