For some bizarre reason everyone seems to be hyped over 90s pop group Steps reuniting for an album and 20th anniversary tour.
Yeah, we don’t understand why either.
There are a million and one things we’d rather the band brought back from the 90s era rather than their “music” so in true FUBAR style we’ve listed them for you…
1. Timeless dance routines
Don’t try and pretend you don’t start cracking out the cowboy dance moves to 5, 6, 7, 8 when it comes on in the cheese room of the club or doing those head bops to Tragedy at your uncles’ wedding, we know you do.
Let’s leave the songs in the 90s but bring back universal dance routines. The world needs us to dance in unison to Stormzy.
2. Colour co-ordination
We’re not sure what statement pop groups who colour co-ordinated every outfit were trying to make but we think turning up with the squad in co-ordinated shades of red could work.
Then again, the Kardashians are already continuing this trend so maybe we should stay away.
3. Mixed-gender pop groups
Everyone loves Little Mix and One Direction were hardly short of fans but what happened to those mix-gendered pop groups like Steps and S Club 7 where we could spend copious amounts of time wondering who was fucking who and it all being that little bit incestuous.
Let’s face it, it was never really about the music was it?
4. Socially acceptable hair styles
What better way to express individuality than to have boldly coloured highlights throughout your hair that match your band mates?
Or not.
5. The adaptable logo
The best way to create your 90s pop brand is with an recurring motif that can be adapted across every product your label decide to splash your name across.
6. Dramatic music videos
Remember when pop music videos used to have more drama and tension than an episode of Eastenders? Let’s bring that back.
Minus the more than cringey extras.
7. Dutch eurodance mates
Steps are being ever so kind to a band they probably haven’t spoken to since 1997, the Vengaboys! They are giving them a 21st century career leg up by taking them on this tour.
With classics like ‘We’re Going To Ibiza’ & ‘Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!’, Vengaboys are more than welcome back. We wonder how they’d survive in the days of Twitter trolls…
Maybe after all of this we should leave Steps and everything they embody in the 90s, locked away for no one to find or be reminded of, ever.
