Today is a dark day but FUBAR are here to find some silver linings…
1. The UK are no longer the laughing stock of the planet
The US have cemented their place at the top of the leaderboard for the stupidest political decisions ever. We tried to take top spot for a while with our nonsensical Brexit referendum but the US have played their trump card, quite literally. Thanks America!
2. Employment opportunities
The Americans are going to need all hands on deck to build that ruddy great wall of theirs… If you are an able-bodied man or woman looking to get some extra money in your pocket then by all means put yourself forward. Alternatively if there are any cement or barbed wire exporters twiddling their thumbs, you are in LUCK!
3. Hillary didn’t win
Trying to find the positives in everything, at least Hillary Clinton didn’t win. Choosing one of the two candidates was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do you go for Donald ‘the pussy grabber’ Trump or Hillary ‘the cyber criminal’ Clinton? Only the FBI can make that decision for you.
4. Lots of funnies to come
The 2016 Election campaign has thrown up some fantastic short videos, memes and images all poking fun at Trump. Some have been simply fantastic. With Trump now as President, once we have all got over the shock, he will be a perfect target for more hilarious fun-poking.
5. Reduction in redneck population
When Trump’s victory was announced there was bound to be a huge decline in living rednecks. Either the majority of them masturbated themselves to death or, joined by a cocktail of whisky and suspicious narcotics, partied so hard they are now in a comatosed state for the foreseeable future.
6. Katie Hopkins leaving the UK
The sharp-tongued Daily Mail harlot vowed she would move to America if Trump won the presidential election. Well Hopkins, it is time for you to hop on out of here and join the Trumpocalypse. UK 1, US 0. More recently she has promised to dance round naked in her kitchen, but this comment is for a different list entirely.
7. Trump will bring the people together
There is nothing like hate to unite the people. Trump once said, “I have a great relationship with the blacks.” That is settled then. He is a man of the people. Reintegrating the KKK into society is no mean feat and if Trump is correct, and Mexicans are criminals, drug-dealers and rapists, then he can find common ground and bring them all in from the cold. Viva La Trump!
8. The end of the Apprentice USA?
Running a country will leave no time for Trump to appear on his monstrosity of a show in the form of the Apprentice USA. A shocking replica of the UK version has consistently allowed American viewers to hear the vitriol and bile protruding from Trump’s mouth for the last decade. No more.
9. Obama is FREE!
Now Obama is out of a job let’s get him over to the UK. Why not? We are likely to have a prime minister job going at some stage in the near future which he could seamlessly slot into. Alternatively, the UK stand-up circuit could do with a bit of a refresh. Considering his abundance of one-liners and smooth piss-taking skills, Obama could be the right man for the job.
10. Because Trump said so
“I will be the greatest ‘jobs president’ that God ever created, I tell you that. I’ll bring back our jobs from China, from Japan, from Mexico and from so many places. I’ll bring back our money. … Sadly, the American dream is dead. But I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.”
